Thursday, June 22, 2017

MILLENIALS YOU ARE WEIRD.........FACE IT.

SERIOUSLY MILLENIALS MAKE ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE.......

 
 
Once Upon A Time, kids were idk, Normal......

They said please and thank you and they smiled and acted like polite small adults.  They listened to their Walkman and sat quietly waiting for mom and dad. MOM AND DAD had control....they could look at you with that "shut up now or I'm going to kill you when we are alone" look.  Did we all in our generation not learn that to pass down because this generation is apparently immune. 
 
 
 
The reason for all this? Parents who beat their children when they deserved it. I don't mean like "beat" I mean spanked or whatever.  Growing up I was scared of my father and upsetting him was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.   He's a big and intimidating man who has a presence that commands attention. He scared the crap out of me so I was a good kid per incurring his wrath.  That's the way it's supposed to be. I was sent to my room where my tv was unplugged and that was all we had. Now getting sent to your room is awesome! So many gadgets and cell phones to text your friends about how much your parents are lame while you surf your instagram and pinterest accounts for hours until it's dinner time. Now igetting banned from your room is a punishment and having to eat at the dinner table with your family with no cell phone is TORTURE!


They also don't just do things to make life simple. It's almost like they thrive on it. They want the drama...Here's an example some kid recently stole an idea I had and basically copied it. Well that person had a tie to the true origins of the idea, and me the understanding person I am proposed a compromise.....yep no....He didn't want a compromise, he wanted what he wanted and compromise that was actually me giving in to him wasn't going to cut it so I proceeded to get a "hate tweet" from a 13 year old with cuss words......um....wth
I agree with this..... Dean Winchester gets it. This generation will never know a life without cell phones. I came in on the very end of the Gen Yers
ONE QUESTION IF YOU ARE 6 WHO ARE YOU CALLING/TEXTING/SNAPCHATTING? ELMO? HONEY BOO BOO? I mean who do you call at 6 years old? I want to make clear this is a rhetorical question for the pure fact I don't want to know the answer!!



Growing up I had one of those dorky see through phones.....IN MY ROOM ON A LAND LINE! Gasp!



I snuck my Tamagochi Pet in my backpack with my LA GEARS that lit up. I was super cool baby



 
 
 
yeah baby sexy!!!!
 
 
I don't know about you but I was a horrible Tamagochi mom. Mine died every time. That dude was a glutton.  And he didn't start over if he died you had to accept that fact and maybe shed a tear or like me throw it as hard as you can pissed into the trash then tell everyone you knew how much they suck.
 
A FEW YEARS LATER.......
 
Satan invented a fad that was true evil........
 
 
BEANIE BABIES.....
 
Why god why????
 

I still own some and I swear maybe one day when I'm 80 they may be valuable. They will be mine until then. Because no one in their right mind would take them even for free.....seriously TRY GIVING THEM TO GOODWILL! I have...

Then you would get home and Mario had to rescue the princess and dang it I wanted every short cut.  There were even magazines devoted to shortcuts and don't you doubt I played Sonic The Hedgehog too on my Sega Genesis baby!

AS A 90'S KID I KNEW EVERY TRICK TO MANIPULATE SILLY PUTTY!!!!



What happened to Silly Putty I mean does Playdough even still exist? what a strange world.



me and my LISA FRANK NOTEBOOK AND MY TRAPPER KEEPER WOULD HEAD OFF TO SCHOOL WITH MY TAMAGOTCHI AND MY LA GEARS FOR GYM.....

Back when I was growing up, you learned things like um....sports in gym class and you didn't get to sit out unless you were dying. 
So as I went to school in my mom's Chevy hooptie I mean that was an ugly car I listened to my waterproof special skip proof
DISCMAN!!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!!
 
DON'T FALL OR BUMP ANYTHING OR THAT TIFFANY OR MICHAEL JACKSON "BAD" CD WAS RUINED
 
I made many temporary friends and got in a lot of trouble in class playing with my slap bracelets
 
 
That I would have to be careful where to put on my hands cause I fell down doing my Skip It!
 
 
 
SIDE NOTE: Millenials would not understand the Skip It and the skill it took.  They would wonder where the batteries were and omg you have to like jump? Exercise? um.....no......
 
There was that glorious time called recess where all these things would be dug out of their hiding places and your Tamagochi was almost starved to death, because you were too busy you know, Playing outside on your feet or playground equipment. 
 
 
To get on the internet you would have to yell at your brother that you needed the phone line a LAND LINE! and sign on your AOL ACCOUNT AND LISTEN TO THE arrrrrreeeeeeeeesssshshhhhshhhhhhh
 
 
sound as it connected.....
 
if you didn't have an AOL ACCOUNT YOU WERE SO UNCOOL...MESSSENGER WAS A MUST AND EVEN SHOWED UP IN A MOVIE WITH MEG RYAN BEFORE SHE BECAME A MUTANT AND TOM HANKS CHECKING THEIR INBOXES FOR AOL MAIL...
 
My handle was juls21881 yeah that's right I rock!!
 
I still have a profile on MySpace I need to find it so I can see pics from the 90s and early 2000s that have long since been lost. This was before we realized the internet is FOREVER!!!!!!
 
We still had to worry about that stuff called FILM and how many pictures in our cameras and cell phones were the newest thing on the planet and I was dying for a SIDEKICK the coolest
 
 
I REMEMBER IN GILMORE GIRLS BACK IN THOSE ANCIENT TIMES CALL THE 2000'S SIDEKICK AND TEXTING WERE LIKE THE COOL THING, NOW....MY 70 year old MOM CAN TEXT...."NOUGH SAID"
 
 
THEN THE DEVIL INVENTED ANOTHER THING....SOMETHING THAT KEPT ME BLOODY AND KILLED MY SPIRIT OVER AND OVER......IN LINE SKATES!
 
 
When these went out of style or I GREW to old for them good lord was I happy.
Good riddance....don't even get me started about putting wheels on tennis shoes...I can't EVEN!
 
 
THEN CAME THE BREAKTHROUGH THIN FLIP PHONE THE RAZR......
 
 
It was so satisfying to flip it closed and hang up on someone.....now you have to push a screen which is so not nearly as satisfying...
  END END END TAKE THAT BUTTFACE! 

The battery worked for days and the thing was fricking indestructible.  Where now people make more money on phone cases to protect your phone and chargers to charge the battery that lasts mere hours.  I once dropped my Razr down a flight of concrete stairs! Not even a scratch! those were the days.
 
THEN STEVE JOBS BOUGHT ALL OUR SOULS......IN HIS BLACK TURTLENECK
 
He didn't live to see it but no more disc man and no more skipping scratched CDs ipod changed the world....if you think that's not true....really think then cue up the next song on your iTunes....
 
Once Upon A Time, When I wasn't a fatty and like old.....I played sports....so you know the light up sneakers....yeah I rocked those babies....
 
ONE PROBLEM
 
You couldn't wear them while playing sports so there I was with the duct tape/electric tape covering my light up shoes that was completely ineffective therefore showing even other schools I was a geek.
 
I started seeing those again and the trauma of many a basketball game came flooding back.
 
one of my favorite shows PRE-SUPERNATURAL was Buffy the Vampire Slayer.....duh what's not to love.
In the first episode Buffy famously quips.  "If the apocalypse comes beep me." Awww beepers the memories...and the pay phones that were a quarter......*sings* Memories!!!!!
 
 
The Gilmore Girls Pre-Revival had beepers and those fun flip cell phones and their fast talking...then Rory's dad got the big bucks and got her a SIDEKICK FOR TEXTING....WOOOOOOWWWW 
 
 
MAN I WANTED ONE!
 
I remember Rory's dad not knowing how texting worked telling her he was eating peas on her sidekick.....he didn't like them. This was pre iphone.
 
The arguments over whether a random celebrity was alive or dead were classic and now just look it up and argument over! 
How did we like know things before Google snaked it's way into our consciousness? I can't imagine a world without Google....but it did exist once.... flashback to the torture of learning the Dewey decimal system. Is that even still in existence? Oh and card catalogs! Oh and for that matter. LIBRARIES. My mom goes to the library once a week and I have a library card that expired in 2009. I mean I can buy it on Kindle people why go to the library. 
 
 
To be fair I wanted everything Rory  from Gilmore Girls had, the mom, the men, the looks......Yeah and all the things Buffy had too....I wanted a lot
 
Then my very favorite games FINALLY making kids long car rides bearable....THE GAMEBOY!!!!
 
Here's a fun fact.  What I call irony...these are worth a FORTUNE ON EBAY and beanie babies you can't give away......
 
There was also playgrounds and the schools with the best ones! then most kids could do the monkey bars including me.....I don't think a millennial would even know what a monkey bar is.
 
Going outside is very.....
 
There's like bugs and stuff. I went to summer camp every year and came home with mosquito bites covering every inch of me and I loved it....there was no GLAMPING.....Now I can't get my nieces to get through one dinner without their phones.

There were probably "fad" diets but I didn't care I was a kid. I loved me Some NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK AND KID AND PLAY AND MILLI VANNILLI Pre lip syncing fiasco, now 90 percent of artists lip sync in concert, just saying. AND WEIRD AL'S VERSION OF EVERY POPULAR SONG.....
I lived for POP UP VIDEO?? Random facts we didn't know? POP!!!!
BEHIND THE MUSIC.....
AWARDS SHOWS DIDN'T HAVE RATINGS.......and I as a child could watch them without having to see too much of Miley Cyrus while rubbing on some sorta kinda known dude who happens to be the son of the dad from GROWING PAINS!
WE DIDN'T KNOW EVERY FACT ABOUT EVERY STAR OR "NON STAR EVERY SECOND"
Things didn't get blown up. There were sight seeing tours to the top of he World Trade Center and except for the evil "Saddam Hussein" who was only evil to me because footage of the first Gulf War took up my TV shows....like Beverly Hills 90210 omg Brandon!

Wars actually ENDED! And troops could come home to their families. Now wars aren't periods of time they are every day happenings with different countries getting mad about something and the US playing the big brother on the playground protecting them and arming them just to have them turn around years later and use those weapons against us and the circle begins again. The military isn't a, will you fight a war it's a WHEN and WHERE. it's not bullets anymore or adults fighting behind lines. It's secret missions with night vision and infrared and insane rich guys who have tricked younger men to strap bombs with nails and other sharp harmful objects and walk into dance clubs and blow it and themselves up. It's children with IEDs taught to hate so young.
Ask a millennial if they could name one general or for that matter what soldiers do or what country we fought in World War 2.
Recently I pulled out my New Kids On the Block tape in my old bedroom and my 12 year old niece asked me what a "tape was"
Then a book came out that was made into a series on NETFLIX not regular tv but internet tv, and a girl in high school made 13 tapes telling the kids in her high school why she killed herself and now a suicide NOTE is a thing of the past.
When I was growing up kids committed suicide for hate crimes over having HIV. It was tragic and newsworthy. Now the news is full of worse things than HIV and kids kill themselves due to being bullied not just in school but because they can come home and be bullied non stop on social media because some random guy claims he had sex with her and she kills herself and it's not going to make the news because it's becoming an epidemic.
The world used to say SAY NO TO DRUGS now it's more like ok just be safe and get an Uber and don't overdose. And kids having sex at ages when back when I was growing up the thought was still gross.
SAY NO TO DRUGS has been replaced with DONT COMMIT SUICIDE YOU ARE WORTH IT! I'm glad I grew up when I did. I was bullied mercilessly and I endured because I could come home and just worry about it at school and not keep getting tortured when I got home over a picture on Instagram or a tweet. Being a kid today is easy in some ways as far as convenient, but there aren't just cliques now there are girls that are popular one day because the guys like them and then SLUT SHAMED for it and bullied the next. Anonymity and hiding behind a keyboard is the reason kids are dying way too young because people don't have to say it face to face. That is the hardest thing I can imagine.  If you commit suicide now, it's not on the news because they are too busy talking about suicide bombers and crazy people shooting kids while just learning first grade math.
SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THIS GENERATION WITH ALL THEIR CONVENIENCES. YES THERE IS GOOGLE AND SMARTPHONES BUT THERE IS HATRED AND JEALOUSY AND KIDS WHO CANT ESCAPE THOSE THINGS. THERE ARE 16 YEAR OLDS HAVING CHILDREN AND GETTING THEIR OWN SHOWS.
MILLENIALS HAVE NO STREET SMARTS ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE TO LEAVE HOME TO EXPERIENCE VIOLENCE.
BEING THIN IS EVEN MORE PRESSURE AND EATING DISORDERS ARE AT EPIC PROPORTIONS. BEING FAT IS WORSE THAN BEING A SEX OFFENDER THESE DAYS AND JUST AS DISGUSTING.
Adults are trying to change the negative connotations of beauty isn't just on the outside but we are fighting a battle we created. With models who are 6 feet tall and 100 pounds and some designers refusing to make PLUS SIZE clothing. Plus size now being size 6 and a huge scandal because they put a size 16 GORGEOUS model on The cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. A gorgeous woman who looks freaking amazing.

She's too fat they say. No she just eats! But this was a big deal she isn't starving to death and she's on a magazine with models that are genetic mutants.
TELEVISION. THERE ARE NO WORDS.
I REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN I WOKE UP SATURDAY MORNING AND WATCH SAVED BY THE BELL WITH ZACH AND KELLY AND SCREECH BEFORE THAT UGLY DUDE WAS A PORN STAR OR SOMETHING? KELLY AND ZACK WERE IN LOVE AND SEX WASNT EVEN AN ISSUE.
BACK TO THE PRE-Millenial days:
MICHAEL JACKSON'S BAD WAS MY ALBUM BABY! I HAD THE TAPE AND THE "WEIRD AL VERSION "FAT"
JANET JACKSON AND I DID SOME DANCING BABY------ RHYTHM NATION!!!!!

OUR BOY BANDS WERE EVEN DORKIER BUT DAMMIT WE WERE DEVOTED And there were TWO TO CHOOSE AND DEVOTE YOURSELF TO,  NOW THERE ARE SO MANY THAT WHO DO YOU CHOOSE?
They would tour and not end up with mugshots in random countries....they were just cute boys not delinquents.
HANNAH MONTANA WAS ON AND SO WAS LIZZIE MCGUIRE......BEFORE THE CRAZY THAT BECAME MILEY CYRUS....

We had Michael Keaton as Batman and Matlock on TV for our parents don't kill me I secretly liked that show.
OLD PEOPLE JUST GOT OLD!
ANDY GRIFFITH WALKED AROUND AS MATLOCK WITH HIS WHITE HAIR

JESSICA FLETCHER "MURDER SHE WROTE" AFTER APPARENTLY RETIRING FROM SOMETHING.
DICK VAN DYCK AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY DIAGNOSED MURDERS.
NOW WE HAVE STARS LIKE JOAN RIVERS DYING FROM TOO MUCH PLASTIC SURGERY AT 80 SOMETHING WHEN SHE LOOKED 40 AT LEAST SHE TRIED TO.
THE BIGGEST SCANDAL ON TV THEN WAS 'DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!"
All because she was drunk at the prom. Good god I miss those days!


My senior trip to Europe you had to figure out 20 different currencies between countries and you got these things called STAMPS in your passport.  You could ride the tube in London and not worry about being blown up and our biggest danger was pick pockets...



When I returned shortly after my niece was born and with that the age of the MILLENIALS BEGAN HERE WE ARE....CYBER BULLYING, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, SNAPCHAT, AND WHATEVER ELSE LATER.





THOSE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS AS THE SAYING GOES....




NOW:

TAKE A PICTURE WITH OUR SMART PHONE OF OUR COOL MEAL....

FLY BUT IF THEY ASK YOU TO GET OFF GET THE HELL OFF.....

WATCH THE NEWS TO SEE WHERE THE NEXT TERRORIST GROUP WILL BOMB AT SOME CONCERT OF SOME CRAPPY TEEN IDOL.
BATMAN HAD 20 REMAKES BY NOW AND AT LEAST 6 ACTORS. TERMINATOR HAS BEEN REMADE....NOTHING IN BACK TO THE FUTURE ACTUALLY CAME TO PASS AS  THE DAY JUST CAME AND WENT.
THEY REMADE DIRTY DANCING......DIRTY DANCING.....WHAT? WITHOUT PATRICK SWAYZE.....NOT COOL MAN NOT COOL.



If it hasn't been "remade" then it's been the 50th anniversary celebration. 



Has been celebrities  that should have long been forgotten are dancing with stars that aren't truly stars.  



THERE ARE 16 AND PREGNANT GIRLS WHO STUPIDLY RUINED THEIR LIVES AND GOT ON A TV SHOW FOR IT AND THE RATINGS ARE HIGH.



THERE ARE REAL HOUSEWIVES FROM EVERYWHERE....THAT ARE NO MORE REAL THAN BOOB IMPLANTS.....



NEW JERSEY,

NEW YORK

BEVERLY HILLS

POTOMAC

ATLANTA

ORANGE COUNTY



I can't even think of the others. There are girls who are famous for their butts.....their BUTTS.

They are skinny everywhere else but have big butts so they and their entire family get a show on tv that comes on so much you can't not know what it is. They are famous for being famous and have no skill at all. They didn't even lip sync themselves into fame they just made their butt fat. 



Baywatch has been remade in movies where once big wrestler the Rock replaces The Hoff and Zac Efron is now not 13 and so we can like him without feeling guilty



The "FRIENDS" are old now and the millenials think that is classic tv.



GEORGE CLOONEY GOT MARRIED FINALLY AT LIKE 70 OR WHATEVER AND TO THIS WOMAN HE SO DOESN'T DESERVE. 
HE OUTGREW THE ER AND WENT ON TO THE OCEAN...ELEVEN,TWELVE, AND THIRTEEN. 
SAID AWESOME WIFE GAVE BIRTH TO TWINS SO GEORGE CLOONEY HAS FINALLY PROCREATED AND EVERYONE CAN BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF HIS GENES ARE FINALLY IN THE GENE POOL....



BRAD PITT WENT FROM THELMA, LOUISE, AND JENN ANISTON TO A SKELETON NAMED ANGELINA WITH BIG LIPS AND 6 KIDS BOTH ADOPTED AND NATURALLY BORN LATER......THEY GOT MARRIED AND THEREFORE DIVORCED. 



JENNIFER ANISTON ACCORDING TO MAGAZINES HAS HAD LIKE 40 PREGNANCIES AND NOT ONE BABY. MAGAZINE ARTICLES HAVE WHOLE WEBSITES ABOUT WHICH ARE TRUE AND WHICH ARENT AND THEY ARENT TABLOIDS. 



There are gluten free diets, raw food diets, anorexia diets, atkins no carb diets and also just no diet at all diets.   You can't watch the 500 tv channels without seeing some washed up star talking about Nutri-System or Weight Watchers.....



Britney Spears went from pop princess to pop hot mess, and back again and now has made Vegas no longer just where the washed up stars go to perform,  she made it cool again cause she needed a steady gig and her daddy is still her guardian but she sells out every night.   SHES NOW 36 and has teenage kids and still can't control her own life. But she's making money like crazy and has become even more iconic.   OOOPPPS SHE DID IT AGAIN!



MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD BECAUSE SOME DOCTOR GAVE HIM ANESTHESIA AS SLEEPING PILLS AND SURPRISE THAT KILLED HIM.....HIS KIDS ARE ALMOST GROWN AND THE QUESTION OF THEIR PARENTAL LINEAGE IS EVEN MORE IN QUESTION. HE WAS BROKE AND THEN HE DIED AND NOW HE'S MAKING MONEY WITHOUT EVEN DOING ANYTHING......


RANDOM FAME SEEKERS AND CRAZIES BLOW UP CONCERTS AND BUILDINGS AND THEMSELVES AND WHERE THEY HIT NEXT IS UNKNOWN. YOU COULD BE WALKING IN THE LOCAL MALL AND BECOME A TARGET JUST FOR BEING THERE. 



Politicians are one step away from their own reality show.....you know the rich dude from Celebrity Apprentice well he's the freaking ruler of the free world and is making a fool out of all of us and his every move is on tv for he whole world to see.. With I think his like 17th wife from some country that no one has ever heard of and the catalog where he bought her has since been burned.



The most exciting thing locally is the HOCKEY TEAM WE IGNORED FOR YEARS....they actually are pretty good and made it to the STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS. We aren't ignoring them anymore....millenials are headed off to college and our future isn't bright it's scary as hell and these idiots who never played outside, grew up with Google and smartphones and document their every minute of every day on whatever is the popular social media network of the moment,
 THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT WILL RUN THE WORLD AND NOT VERY FAR IN THE FUTURE. WHAT WILL THE NEXT GENERATION BRING AND WHAT IS GOING TO BECOME OF OUR PLANET? 
......WE ARE DOOMED!!!!



MAYBE NOT........

I HOPE I'm WRONG I HOPE THEY SAY I TOLD YOU SO....


I HOPE BUT I'M NOT VERY CONFIDENT
MILLENIALS YOU ARE WEIRD CREATURES BUT ITS NOT YOUR FAULT COMPLETELY. THERE WILL BE SOME GREAT PEOPLE TO COME OUT OF YOUR GENERATION AS THERE IS IN EVERY ONE. BUT. WHAT WILL THEY BE "GREAT" FOR AND WILL YOUR KIDS HAVE A PLANET TO EVEN LIVE ON SINCE WE YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE GIVEN YOU ONE THAT WE HAVE ALMOST DESTROYED. 

GOOD LUCK GUYS! You have a hard road ahead and many challenges to face and I'm worried you aren't being prepared for the hardships to come. We shall see. Hopefully history books aren't all gloom and doom in 100 years and hopefully you can fix our mistakes. 

Really every new generation is questioned by the previous one but more technology has been developed in the last 50 years than ever in human history and that poses a lot of serious questions of the consequences of it. I hope you guys make us proud and make this blog post make me completely wrong. 

Again, 

GOOD LUCK AND PRAY. YOU ARE GOING TO NEED IT!

Much love, 
JP
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

ADULTING

ADULTING IT'S A VERB NOW....THANKS MILLENIALS.



I don't know if you have noticed on the web that all these memes, which I finally found out what that is.
in case you were wondering, a meme is a picture with words for all those who don't know.
To ADULT, is extremely boring. It's the errands, it's cleaning it's the boredom of the days when there is nothing to do that you view as fun.  It's not remembering what's fun and having it very rarely.
The word is no longer a noun or adjective and, yes, despite my lack of punctuation and sentence structure in this blog I do know how to conjugate and say words correctly.



LOOK HOW ADULT I AM I JUST USED THE WORD CONJUGATE IN A COMPLETELY VALID SENTENCE WITH PUNCTUATION!


TAKE THAT RAMBLING HATERS!

ADULTING COMES WITH TONS OF PROBLEMS YOU NEVER HAD BEFORE:


1.  A grown-up job----- means long hours, mundane tasks and the pay sucks. It means that your life will regress back to middle school social hierarchy

2.  It means you will never be good enough for your family and they will be looking for your next promotion. Well that may be a while have a seat and leave me be. In my case it means, your brothers will ignore you unless commanded not to and also make stuff up about what you do. When they have absolutely no clue.  

3.    As an adult there comes the problem that not everyone will like you. You are no longer a teen or 20-something they can shake their head at and say " Oh!  You! 20-somethings are crazy! Yep you will just be annoying. People will not be that forgiving either so accepting this is crucial and one of the hardest things to do.....

        Every once in a while you get a boss who just "gets" you. I had one boss who I butted heads with,  and my buffer boss, my porch,  was the best most patient boss ever. (Cough) French Porch (cough)          FRENCH PORCH--------------------------------------




      Possibly the most patient person you've ever met as well ever......  See the problem with people everyone likes (or should) if you don't know anyone like this just trust me. Make them your friend. Spend as much time with them as you can. Because the secret to their amazing super power will get out and when it does someone will take them away.
         They get promoted cause they are hugely in demand and because they are awesome and it's no longer a secret. Dammit!  So you grab their ankles and make them drag you to their new office!  Or you try...




but ultimately, they leave and it feels like you have no one on your side anymore.


       I was thinking about personalities the other day. My biggest and, at the moment, most hindering personality trait is butting in conversations. I think it stems from my days of being bullied at school and just wanting to be included. Trust me when I say, DONT DEVELOP THIS HORRIBLE HABIT. All it gets you is coworkers who include you in nothing, talk behind your back and make you feel awful all the time cause of this annoying habit. Then if you don't fix it IMMEDIATELY they won't try to like you until you do. It's a habit so it's not easy to break so you will have relapses and it will continue to annoy them and the circle starts over.

3.) Everyone has an annoying habit but if you enjoy a person they're annoying habits aren't as annoying or even very noticeable. Even so some people like above patient Dahli Llama supervisor can tell you to butt out and make you laugh all at the same time. When you are young this habit isn't as big a deal but when you are a grown up it IS A VERY BIG DEAL.


4. ) Communication skills deteriorate the more ADULT we become and the rare few who can master them. Be their best friend. SERIOUSLY BE WITH THEM AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.....THEY ARE RARE LIKE DIAMONDS OR FRENCH PORCHES.


5.) But of all the annoying habits my particular one is the most hated of all. I also like to help people. Usually when young, you learn helping people is good. When you are an adult "helping" becomes telling them they don't know how to do their job. So then they resent you for it and you really were trying to do a good deed. DO NOT DO THIS AS AN ADULT.  YOU WILL BE YELLED AT. ONLY HELP WHEN ASKED. THE ART OF LETTING PEOPLE FALL ON THEIR FACE WITHOUT A PILLOW FROM YOU IS HARD BUT IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE EASIEST THINGS TO DO.  I REPEAT DO NOT DO THIS......

WHEN YOU HAVE FRIENDS WHEN  YOU ARE YOUNG THEY JUST AUTOMATICALLY INCLUDE YOU SO YOU MAY NOT DISCOVER THIS HABIT UNTIL YOU "ADULT"

Meet your dream man at college! THAT'S WHERE THEY STAY SUPPOSEDLY......Not at my college when I was attending but still. I don't know if that man exists, cause I am weird and not that great with guys...... 

When you become an "adult" and you have to adult everyday, finding a significant other is 50 times harder.....unless you look like Barbie (the doll) or my niece.  Oh and on a random tangent the sweetest teen turns into a butthead when they hit 18 PREPARE YOURSELF! I have some family that seriously need to be punched in the throat.  They are sucking more and more everyday.  I'm family not a hindrance.....we shall see payback is hard and it sucks.  Karma baby!!
the only problem is that Karma takes it's time.......and it's never served when you want it to be.

     


      So many people tell me just leave your work at work. I'm sorry but I do not posses the capability to go home and just forget the feelings I experienced all day. PLEASE PLEASE....IF YOU KNOW HOW.... FOR GOD SAKE TELL ME. 

I would love that but I honestly have no social life and friends that I rarely see or that are either just as mentally unstable or too busy, so I basically have no one to talk to. So I go to work and I'm interested in their lives and I offer up my comments.  Well when you are and adult. No one cares about your opinion.  No one wants your comments.  Just shut up and don't comment unless they specifically ask or unless they have known you forever. ....TRUST ME ON THIS I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY!



Adulting is hard and it's the longest stage of your life. I hope you come into it more prepared than I was. I had Book smarts,,,,,,,,CHECK,,,,,,street smarts......none....common sense....I mean depends on the situation. Something I've learned about common sense is that everyone has a different version of it. What I think is perfectly logical, someone else is all what the heck?


ADULTING means emotions and as this magic "adult" you are supposed to have complete control over every emotion, not cry for any reason no matter the emotion.

If you are winning an argument with someone, one you have worked up the nerve forever and have bullet points in your head and have for a bunch of years,  and then you start tearing up, every valid point you have doesn't matter at all anymore. Just the water leaking from your eyes you can't make stop.  Your entire thought out argument that you were winning comes crumbling down and all the kings horses and all the kings men cannot put it together again.

     

        It's a universal truth, when you put human beings, homo sapiens, people, folks, whatever you want to call them in a place together there WILL be drama. THERE WILL. Some people are built with this mind filter that like water through a sieve filters the impurities. Well mind filters can malfunction or just not exist all together. I have to start hunting mine down or get like an implanted one,  cause damn it's making life hell.



 STUPID ADULTING! Yeah I was born without the filter and what sucks is I think as you grow you can grow one....but if you have like happy childhood and parents who make you feel good about yourself, that filter can grow. Yeah let's just say mine didn't.  Drama is inevitable anyone who agrees with Mary J. Blige and wants "No More Drama" sit in your house alone.  That's the only place you aren't going to find it.


What's cool about those extra special Dahlia Llama French porch people is you meet awesome people through them and if they vouch for them you can trust them with your mafia business.....I mean....*shifty eyes*  secrets......

When you work with people you will have about 20 fellow employees and among said coworkers there filters about 1 or 2 people you can only sorta trust. Then among those 2 there will emerge 1 person who you can actually count on them having your back. Then change the situation a bit and if they still have your back they're legit.  These people are rare and hold on to them for dear life.



FORREST GUMP HAD MAMA. I HAVE DEAR OLE DAD.....My dad my whole life told me, "no one you work with is your friend, and just like Forrest's mama he's right......god I hate when he's right!

ENJOY COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!  MAKE THE MOST OF IT!!!!!!!!!! My brother told me this too....damn I especially hate when he's right......butthead.

That's your last time to socialize with people just like you that have things in common with you, that have no ulterior motive, this is where you make true friends. They are in the same stage of life as you and don't have kids and other responsibilities which makes you equal.  After graduation THIS CHANGES and it CHANGES QUICKLY.


ASK ANYONE WHO HAS A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!!!!!


I WANT TO BELIEVE I REALLY DO!


 I have 2 significant people in my life,  Nori, and Barbie, (yes her actual name) So Seaweed ( what Nori means in Japanese) and a doll....... weird man.  Barbie is the only person who I've become close to through the internet.  It was weird when we met it was like instant BFF. 

                                                     it seriously was just like this......

 Why her? Who the heck knows but you didn't have that AWKWARD dance when you meet people. Ever since she's been, as they say on "Grey's Anatomy," my person.  Nori has been "my person" for years.  But all of my friends are married and parents and sometimes you have to sacrifice your "person" so they can be happy.  It sucks.  But every now and then you get to visit and you remember why you love them......Nori and Barbie if you are reading this.....you have no clue how important you are...... you two are the only two in the world that get how my brain works.   Nori calls me so accurately I wonder if she has surveillance cameras on me....it's spooky....when you know someone for 20 years I suppose it's easy to call their bluff. 

                Recently, I went to the super nerdy but I don't care and never will.  Supernatural Convention.....it's in my town and you get to meet the stars of the show who unless you watch said show you have no idea who they are....... Here is me....with from left Misha Collins (Castiel), Jared Padalecki, aka moose or tall one, (Sam Winchester), Jensen Ackles, aka squirrel or not short we swear, (Dean Winchester), and last but not least Mark Sheppard, aka guest stars in every show,  who couldn't have been nicer (Crowley) I went by myself and not once was I lonely not for a second!


      If you asked me how many times I've put ANY makeup on in the past year. I can count 3 days.  The days of that convention.  It's super expensive, but we all get our one indulgence....mine is SUPERNATURAL AND IT'S STARS AND the conventions as well and VOSS water idk why....I just like it okay.  OH AND WATERMELON! I could eat my weight in Watermelon.

       I asked someone to call me before I went to help me with makeup.  One of those aesthetically gifted humans besides Nori, but the person couldn't do it and I had to do it all on my own. I guess when you have a best friend who puts makeup on you everyday on and off for 20 years. You apparently pick up the basics cause I did okay, many, many, Q-tips and eye makeup remover fluid later.  Nori's super power is liquid eyeliner in one swoop.  I do NOT have this.....I'm going to see her in June and man I'm pumped I miss being a normal human again.   I miss being around someone who gets me so when I say weird things they know where they came from.  Barbie, Nori, I'd give you the moon if you needed it. I love you a lot.....getting to know the inner workings of my brain is near impossible and you two achieved this.... I need to make you a medal on etsy or something. You are my family.



     Nori has accompanied me to these conventions in the past but she has two kids now and was pregnant at the 2016 one, and completely miserable. She's not a person who can hide her emotions well but she was miserable and all she wanted to do was sleep. You can't sleep when the Supernatural hotties are around it's just wrong......





If you look in the top left corner the one who has the reddish hair that's Nor.....I try not to hate her for her other superpower......looking good in every single picture!  I hope she had fun cause I doubt we will ever get to go again. I will but not with her.  She's too busy.




Now that both my "persons" have kids and longer roots it's up to me to drive myself to Atlanta or Birmingham and see them.

In college, where Nori went I went, We were thing 1 and thing 2 attached at the hip. There was one thing she never did to me and it is something I still struggle with......Nori no matter what, she never left me out.  She always included me and wanted me there. I'd give her her space when needed but I never had the feeling she didn't want me. I'm decent at keeping my friends and me out of trouble so that was an added benefit....my spidey sense....I call it kept me from having to make the scariest phone call to my dad ever.  I do not want to make that phone call.......therefore I developed an uncanny ability to stay out of trouble. 
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I am socially awkward you only have to possess a brain to figure that out, but I have a heart of gold.





When you "adult," you can be the nicest person on earth but have one habit they don't like and all the sudden you're just plain rude and no matter how nice and kind and compassionate you are, they don't see it and don't want to.
I'd give anyone anything (well within reason) this is something that until very recently everyone has recognized and that golden light shines and blinds them from the annoying stuff you do.




College degrees don't mean much anymore cause a lot of people have them and you spend years paying off loans that cost more than you even make to work at a job that you can get with just a high school diploma. Thanks college you are basically useless but man I had fun.


MUNDANE, BORING, NEVER- ENDING
That's what an "adult" job is.


I'm pretty sure it's in the dictionary. Look it up or google it.
          
             THERE AREN'T MANY WAYS TO ESCAPE:

Become famous or something and money just falling magically into my bank accounts. Like some Kardashian but I might abhor myself so much I don't know.

Win the Powerball lottery, or even just the scratch off......


      Those were the days. Somewhere in my brain Hanging Tough by the New Kids On The Block is playing on a loop. Scary!!!!! I thought I was the bees knees and I had a bit of self worth, which has basically been stomped out of me and lost. I'm not sure if I can find it again. I grew up in the 90s do not judge!!!!


      


Cause I was a cool 90s kid and Loved the New Kids and was so a Jonathan girl and he turns out gay? Life is NOT RIGHT!  Don't judge me! I remember practicing my autograph, and like most stars it was horrible. What I was going to be famous in....yeah....no damn clue. Had no extraordinary talents to speak of so I guess I was going to pull a Kim Kardashian and be famous despite having absolutely zero singing or acting talent. Many have done it and many will for years to come. 


          That's why they are dreams you have as a kid before reality hits you in the face like a ton of insanely hard bricks and it hurts just as badly.


    It's called being a grown up and as a child it's so glamorous, but then you get there and you see the glamour was only a figment of your imagination. Much like an imaginary friend.


It's when the petty queens and kings start nit picking when I want to just throw in the proverbial towel. I don't want to be an adult sometimes.......but that's the thing...there is no going back...you are one.....accept it.


So far in the past few months it's all about getting through one day and eventually one week at a time. Not a day goes by that I don't want to cuss someone out and take off running while giving them the finger as I run away. It's a nice fun dream I have. And sad because the running away makes me look like a coward and ultimately I am.


Adulting is worry......about EVERYTHING.........anyone who says they never worry is lying.



Problem is I like to buy stuff and I like having a roof over my head, electricity and my shows. I also love food. So doing this not in my dreams means finding another job that scarily enough would probably suck worse. Also giving up all purchasing of said aforementioned items and you know, doctors visits.....

I miss the days when I was little and dreamed big that anything was possible

When I was around 5,  I had an imaginary twin sister named Jenny and since I had to I play by myself and my identical imaginary twin. Again! Don't judge me!
Can you imagine 2 of me? Good god the world would explode! Jenny and I were awesome.....shut up whatever you are thinking!!!!


Now, everyday I have to get up and "adult" put on work clothes and drive downtown in a city where there are more cars than people and no where to put them, 82 people a day move here and take up precious room and I can't find a darn parking space. Then simultaneously,  get all my stuff make sure I keep what few friendships I have do a good job and then repeat.....I'm going to the Grand Canyon in September unless they make me get off the plane cause of too fat or something.   That would be my luck.  If we do happen to make it.  I hope it's all it's cracked up to be. I hope for a few minutes it fills me with wonder and awe.....cause not much has lately and Nashville traffic kills your soul......that's a whole other blog.
 
 
EVERY BLOG SHOULD END WITH WORDS OF WISDOM FROM SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME CAUSE WISDOM IS NOT MY BEST POWER:
 



 
 
 
LIFE IS VERY SHORT......TRY YOUR BEST TO LIVE IT YOUR WAY......
 
IT'S A LIFELONG BATTLE I'M FIGHTING YOU SHOULD TO!!!!
 
Love,
JP Rambling Queen