ADULTING

ADULTING IT'S A VERB NOW....THANKS MILLENIALS.

I don't know if you have noticed on the web that all these memes, which I finally found out what that is.

in case you were wondering, a meme is a picture with words for all those who don't know.
To ADULT, is extremely boring. It's the errands, it's cleaning it's the boredom of the days when there is nothing to do that you view as fun.  It's not remembering what's fun and having it very rarely.
The word is no longer a noun or adjective and, yes, despite my lack of punctuation and sentence structure in this blog I do know how to conjugate and say words correctly.

LOOK HOW ADULT I AM I JUST USED THE WORD CONJUGATE IN A COMPLETELY VALID SENTENCE WITH PUNCTUATION!


TAKE THAT RAMBLING HATERS!

ADULTING COMES WITH TONS OF PROBLEMS YOU NEVER HAD BEFORE:

1.  A grown-up job----- means long hours, mundane tasks and the pay sucks. It means that your life will regress back to middle school social hierarchy

2.  It means you will never be good enough for your family and they will be looking for your next promotion. Well that may be a while have a seat and leave me be. In my case it means, your brothers will ignore you unless commanded not to and also make stuff up about what you do. When they have absolutely no clue.  

3.    As an adult there comes the problem that not everyone will like you. You are no longer a teen or 20-something they can shake their head at and say " Oh!  You! 20-somethings are crazy! Yep you will just be annoying. People will not be that forgiving either so accepting this is crucial and one of the hardest things to do.....

        Every once in a while you get a boss who just "gets" you. I had one boss who I butted heads with,  and my buffer boss, my porch,  was the best most patient boss ever. (Cough) French Porch (cough)          FRENCH PORCH--------------------------------------

      Possibly the most patient person you've ever met as well ever......  See the problem with people everyone likes (or should) if you don't know anyone like this just trust me. Make them your friend. Spend as much time with them as you can. Because the secret to their amazing super power will get out and when it does someone will take them away.
         They get promoted cause they are hugely in demand and because they are awesome and it's no longer a secret. Dammit!  So you grab their ankles and make them drag you to their new office!  Or you try...

but ultimately, they leave and it feels like you have no one on your side anymore.


       I was thinking about personalities the other day. My biggest and, at the moment, most hindering personality trait is butting in conversations. I think it stems from my days of being bullied at school and just wanting to be included. Trust me when I say, DONT DEVELOP THIS HORRIBLE HABIT. All it gets you is coworkers who include you in nothing, talk behind your back and make you feel awful all the time cause of this annoying habit. Then if you don't fix it IMMEDIATELY they won't try to like you until you do. It's a habit so it's not easy to break so you will have relapses and it will continue to annoy them and the circle starts over.

3.) Everyone has an annoying habit but if you enjoy a person they're annoying habits aren't as annoying or even very noticeable. Even so some people like above patient Dahli Llama supervisor can tell you to butt out and make you laugh all at the same time. When you are young this habit isn't as big a deal but when you are a grown up it IS A VERY BIG DEAL.


4. ) Communication skills deteriorate the more ADULT we become and the rare few who can master them. Be their best friend. SERIOUSLY BE WITH THEM AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.....THEY ARE RARE LIKE DIAMONDS OR FRENCH PORCHES.


5.) But of all the annoying habits my particular one is the most hated of all. I also like to help people. Usually when young, you learn helping people is good. When you are an adult "helping" becomes telling them they don't know how to do their job. So then they resent you for it and you really were trying to do a good deed. DO NOT DO THIS AS AN ADULT.  YOU WILL BE YELLED AT. ONLY HELP WHEN ASKED. THE ART OF LETTING PEOPLE FALL ON THEIR FACE WITHOUT A PILLOW FROM YOU IS HARD BUT IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE EASIEST THINGS TO DO.  I REPEAT DO NOT DO THIS......

WHEN YOU HAVE FRIENDS WHEN  YOU ARE YOUNG THEY JUST AUTOMATICALLY INCLUDE YOU SO YOU MAY NOT DISCOVER THIS HABIT UNTIL YOU "ADULT"

Meet your dream man at college! THAT'S WHERE THEY STAY SUPPOSEDLY......Not at my college when I was attending but still. I don't know if that man exists, cause I am weird and not that great with guys...... 

When you become an "adult" and you have to adult everyday, finding a significant other is 50 times harder.....unless you look like Barbie (the doll) or my niece.  Oh and on a random tangent the sweetest teen turns into a butthead when they hit 18 PREPARE YOURSELF! I have some family that seriously need to be punched in the throat.  They are sucking more and more everyday.  I'm family not a hindrance.....we shall see payback is hard and it sucks.  Karma baby!!

the only problem is that Karma takes it's time.......and it's never served when you want it to be.

     


      So many people tell me just leave your work at work. I'm sorry but I do not posses the capability to go home and just forget the feelings I experienced all day. PLEASE PLEASE....IF YOU KNOW HOW.... FOR GOD SAKE TELL ME. 

I would love that but I honestly have no social life and friends that I rarely see or that are either just as mentally unstable or too busy, so I basically have no one to talk to. So I go to work and I'm interested in their lives and I offer up my comments.  Well when you are and adult. No one cares about your opinion.  No one wants your comments.  Just shut up and don't comment unless they specifically ask or unless they have known you forever. ....TRUST ME ON THIS I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY!



Adulting is hard and it's the longest stage of your life. I hope you come into it more prepared than I was. I had Book smarts,,,,,,,,CHECK,,,,,,street smarts......none....common sense....I mean depends on the situation. Something I've learned about common sense is that everyone has a different version of it. What I think is perfectly logical, someone else is all what the heck?


ADULTING means emotions and as this magic "adult" you are supposed to have complete control over every emotion, not cry for any reason no matter the emotion.

If you are winning an argument with someone, one you have worked up the nerve forever and have bullet points in your head and have for a bunch of years,  and then you start tearing up, every valid point you have doesn't matter at all anymore. Just the water leaking from your eyes you can't make stop.  Your entire thought out argument that you were winning comes crumbling down and all the kings horses and all the kings men cannot put it together again.

     

        It's a universal truth, when you put human beings, homo sapiens, people, folks, whatever you want to call them in a place together there WILL be drama. THERE WILL. Some people are built with this mind filter that like water through a sieve filters the impurities. Well mind filters can malfunction or just not exist all together. I have to start hunting mine down or get like an implanted one,  cause damn it's making life hell.



 STUPID ADULTING! Yeah I was born without the filter and what sucks is I think as you grow you can grow one....but if you have like happy childhood and parents who make you feel good about yourself, that filter can grow. Yeah let's just say mine didn't.  Drama is inevitable anyone who agrees with Mary J. Blige and wants "No More Drama" sit in your house alone.  That's the only place you aren't going to find it.


What's cool about those extra special Dahlia Llama French porch people is you meet awesome people through them and if they vouch for them you can trust them with your mafia business.....I mean....*shifty eyes*  secrets......

When you work with people you will have about 20 fellow employees and among said coworkers there filters about 1 or 2 people you can only sorta trust. Then among those 2 there will emerge 1 person who you can actually count on them having your back. Then change the situation a bit and if they still have your back they're legit.  These people are rare and hold on to them for dear life.

FORREST GUMP HAD MAMA. I HAVE DEAR OLE DAD.....My dad my whole life told me, "no one you work with is your friend, and just like Forrest's mama he's right......god I hate when he's right!

ENJOY COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!  MAKE THE MOST OF IT!!!!!!!!!! My brother told me this too....damn I especially hate when he's right......butthead.

That's your last time to socialize with people just like you that have things in common with you, that have no ulterior motive, this is where you make true friends. They are in the same stage of life as you and don't have kids and other responsibilities which makes you equal.  After graduation THIS CHANGES and it CHANGES QUICKLY.


ASK ANYONE WHO HAS A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!!!!!

I WANT TO BELIEVE I REALLY DO!

 I have 2 significant people in my life,  Nori, and Barbie, (yes her actual name) So Seaweed ( what Nori means in Japanese) and a doll....... weird man.  Barbie is the only person who I've become close to through the internet.  It was weird when we met it was like instant BFF. 

                                                     it seriously was just like this......

 Why her? Who the heck knows but you didn't have that AWKWARD dance when you meet people. Ever since she's been, as they say on "Grey's Anatomy," my person.  Nori has been "my person" for years.  But all of my friends are married and parents and sometimes you have to sacrifice your "person" so they can be happy.  It sucks.  But every now and then you get to visit and you remember why you love them......Nori and Barbie if you are reading this.....you have no clue how important you are...... you two are the only two in the world that get how my brain works.   Nori calls me so accurately I wonder if she has surveillance cameras on me....it's spooky....when you know someone for 20 years I suppose it's easy to call their bluff. 

                Recently, I went to the super nerdy but I don't care and never will.  Supernatural Convention.....it's in my town and you get to meet the stars of the show who unless you watch said show you have no idea who they are....... Here is me....with from left Misha Collins (Castiel), Jared Padalecki, aka moose or tall one, (Sam Winchester), Jensen Ackles, aka squirrel or not short we swear, (Dean Winchester), and last but not least Mark Sheppard, aka guest stars in every show,  who couldn't have been nicer (Crowley) I went by myself and not once was I lonely not for a second!

      If you asked me how many times I've put ANY makeup on in the past year. I can count 3 days.  The days of that convention.  It's super expensive, but we all get our one indulgence....mine is SUPERNATURAL AND IT'S STARS AND the conventions as well and VOSS water idk why....I just like it okay.  OH AND WATERMELON! I could eat my weight in Watermelon.

       I asked someone to call me before I went to help me with makeup.  One of those aesthetically gifted humans besides Nori, but the person couldn't do it and I had to do it all on my own. I guess when you have a best friend who puts makeup on you everyday on and off for 20 years. You apparently pick up the basics cause I did okay, many, many, Q-tips and eye makeup remover fluid later.  Nori's super power is liquid eyeliner in one swoop.  I do NOT have this.....I'm going to see her in June and man I'm pumped I miss being a normal human again.   I miss being around someone who gets me so when I say weird things they know where they came from.  Barbie, Nori, I'd give you the moon if you needed it. I love you a lot.....getting to know the inner workings of my brain is near impossible and you two achieved this.... I need to make you a medal on etsy or something. You are my family.

     Nori has accompanied me to these conventions in the past but she has two kids now and was pregnant at the 2016 one, and completely miserable. She's not a person who can hide her emotions well but she was miserable and all she wanted to do was sleep. You can't sleep when the Supernatural hotties are around it's just wrong......

If you look in the top left corner the one who has the reddish hair that's Nor.....I try not to hate her for her other superpower......looking good in every single picture!  I hope she had fun cause I doubt we will ever get to go again. I will but not with her.  She's too busy.




Now that both my "persons" have kids and longer roots it's up to me to drive myself to Atlanta or Birmingham and see them.

In college, where Nori went I went, We were thing 1 and thing 2 attached at the hip. There was one thing she never did to me and it is something I still struggle with......Nori no matter what, she never left me out.  She always included me and wanted me there. I'd give her her space when needed but I never had the feeling she didn't want me. I'm decent at keeping my friends and me out of trouble so that was an added benefit....my spidey sense....I call it kept me from having to make the scariest phone call to my dad ever.  I do not want to make that phone call.......therefore I developed an uncanny ability to stay out of trouble. 
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I am socially awkward you only have to possess a brain to figure that out, but I have a heart of gold.

When you "adult," you can be the nicest person on earth but have one habit they don't like and all the sudden you're just plain rude and no matter how nice and kind and compassionate you are, they don't see it and don't want to.
I'd give anyone anything (well within reason) this is something that until very recently everyone has recognized and that golden light shines and blinds them from the annoying stuff you do.

College degrees don't mean much anymore cause a lot of people have them and you spend years paying off loans that cost more than you even make to work at a job that you can get with just a high school diploma. Thanks college you are basically useless but man I had fun.


MUNDANE, BORING, NEVER- ENDING
That's what an "adult" job is.


I'm pretty sure it's in the dictionary. Look it up or google it.
          
             THERE AREN'T MANY WAYS TO ESCAPE:

Become famous or something and money just falling magically into my bank accounts. Like some Kardashian but I might abhor myself so much I don't know.

Win the Powerball lottery, or even just the scratch off......


      Those were the days. Somewhere in my brain Hanging Tough by the New Kids On The Block is playing on a loop. Scary!!!!! I thought I was the bees knees and I had a bit of self worth, which has basically been stomped out of me and lost. I'm not sure if I can find it again. I grew up in the 90s do not judge!!!!


      

Cause I was a cool 90s kid and Loved the New Kids and was so a Jonathan girl and he turns out gay? Life is NOT RIGHT!  Don't judge me! I remember practicing my autograph, and like most stars it was horrible. What I was going to be famous in....yeah....no damn clue. Had no extraordinary talents to speak of so I guess I was going to pull a Kim Kardashian and be famous despite having absolutely zero singing or acting talent. Many have done it and many will for years to come. 


          That's why they are dreams you have as a kid before reality hits you in the face like a ton of insanely hard bricks and it hurts just as badly.


    It's called being a grown up and as a child it's so glamorous, but then you get there and you see the glamour was only a figment of your imagination. Much like an imaginary friend.


It's when the petty queens and kings start nit picking when I want to just throw in the proverbial towel. I don't want to be an adult sometimes.......but that's the thing...there is no going back...you are one.....accept it.


So far in the past few months it's all about getting through one day and eventually one week at a time. Not a day goes by that I don't want to cuss someone out and take off running while giving them the finger as I run away. It's a nice fun dream I have. And sad because the running away makes me look like a coward and ultimately I am.


Adulting is worry......about EVERYTHING.........anyone who says they never worry is lying.

Problem is I like to buy stuff and I like having a roof over my head, electricity and my shows. I also love food. So doing this not in my dreams means finding another job that scarily enough would probably suck worse. Also giving up all purchasing of said aforementioned items and you know, doctors visits.....

I miss the days when I was little and dreamed big that anything was possible

When I was around 5,  I had an imaginary twin sister named Jenny and since I had to I play by myself and my identical imaginary twin. Again! Don't judge me!
Can you imagine 2 of me? Good god the world would explode! Jenny and I were awesome.....shut up whatever you are thinking!!!!


Now, everyday I have to get up and "adult" put on work clothes and drive downtown in a city where there are more cars than people and no where to put them, 82 people a day move here and take up precious room and I can't find a darn parking space. Then simultaneously,  get all my stuff make sure I keep what few friendships I have do a good job and then repeat.....I'm going to the Grand Canyon in September unless they make me get off the plane cause of too fat or something.   That would be my luck.  If we do happen to make it.  I hope it's all it's cracked up to be. I hope for a few minutes it fills me with wonder and awe.....cause not much has lately and Nashville traffic kills your soul......that's a whole other blog.

 

 

EVERY BLOG SHOULD END WITH WORDS OF WISDOM FROM SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME CAUSE WISDOM IS NOT MY BEST POWER:

 

 

 

 

LIFE IS VERY SHORT......TRY YOUR BEST TO LIVE IT YOUR WAY......

 

IT'S A LIFELONG BATTLE I'M FIGHTING YOU SHOULD TO!!!!

 

Love,

JP Rambling Queen

I'm So Gonna Be A Billionaire Like Bruno Mars!

           
           Every once in a year maybe twice if I'm lucky I get a wild hair and I decide. Hey I need to write in my blog cause it's like a diary and stuff and I have been neglecting it. Well Here goes probably the only entry for 2016 and it's only February but miracles can happen. 

Today I want to talk about my life if I had a billion dollars like I win the lottery or something. What would be different what would be on my list of things to buy. 

1.  The first thing I would do would donate money to some like smarty pants doctors and tell them to cure depression in all forms. Because no matter how much money I have that would not change.  I think I would also start a really insanely pervasive campaign to tell people. "Listen asshole, I can't just snap out of it." It's not just something you get over in time. Get it straight dude! I think I would have ribbons too but what color would they be? Hmm dunno...gray? Oh they already exist. They are green? Are we jealous other people don't have depression. I don't understand this? Or is this just the only ribbon color left? Gray seems more fitting but whatever. If I had 100 billion dollars I could change it to the way I want it.

2.  Then I thought okay well I would want a nicer car. But like my little red Hyundai has everything I need. Maybe I could get a heated steering wheel installed but like there are gloves. Maybe I would just buy another car to drive around in, in the snow cause Nashville has been pissing me off with all this damn ice and snow the past few years.  

No you cannot have a ride and yes I will be there. Wherever there is....

3. I think the next thing I would buy well I thought about this. I thought how about a bigger house... well why though....I like my house it needs help I would buy the help but do I really need a bigger house for just me and then like all the people that come out of the woodwork when you suddenly have money would want to stay in the guest rooms and stuff and just no. 



4. I would of course quit my job which would in turn ruin my life because my depression is so border line under control. Like if I had money I think I would just like sleep all the time and like live in my bed and never go out. Then I could pay someone to come get me up and be like my official "waker-upper" and then pay another person to train my dogs not to tear up my shit and then poop in the floor because like no matter what I do my one dog just refuses.  I would feel bad about making someone clean up poop but hey I'd pay them well. 

5. The 5th thing I would get would be like full body liposuction and boobs. Or if not that then a chef who would of course serve me in my bed healthy but not healthy tasting food that would make me skinny. Then I would hire someone to come and like exercise me. They would have to get the personal assistant I hired to poor like 20 Redbulls down my throat or like my adderall so I would actually you know....get out of bed. 

6. The 6th thing I would buy would be whatever hot guy I wanted at the moment to be my love slave. Right now it's Adam Levine. So yeah move over African mutant freak. I'm buying your husband! 

Then when I got sick of Adam I think I would buy one at a time of course I'm a LADY, the cast of Supernatural.  Like Jensen for a while, then Jared, then Misha and they would cater to me all while filming my show see below.

7.  Then I would like produce a tv show about my boring ass life and call it. My boring ass-life with depression. Then maybe my nieces would want to hang out with me because I'm convinced that those damn Kardashians only hang out with each other while the camera is rolling and then they are all like I hate you.....or like my nieces go to their respective rooms and play on their computers or phones or both.

8. The next thing I would buy would be whatever the hell Christie Brinkley is taking to look 20 when she's like 60 like wtf....genetics has a part but there is some magic potion or she sold her soul to the devil or something. I could sell my soul to the devil then buy it back that's how much money I would have! Omg I just googled it this woman is 60...satan owns her it's the only explanation! Seriously!

9. I almost forgot! The other thing I would buy would be a rocket to Mars. One way no return. I have a very long list of people that belong on it and there would be no choice the people I want would have to get on my damn rocket like I've always dreamed. and only some of them would get the suit thingies cause I hated them the least. Volunteering would not be an option. So I wouldn't piss me off lol. *cough* Kardashians and Jenners

SO I ASK WHAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT? 

Well what wouldn't be:

 -Is my dogs.. I love them they are my fur kids and stuff.

-I don't think I would buy a bigger house cause like how depressing is it to live in this ginormous mansion along with your two dogs. I don't even go up my stairs in the house I have now.  So there would be no point. 

-My car starts when I want it to. Maybe I would buy a car or invent one or something that goes to get it's own gas or something cause getting gas is just a stupid nuisance. After I bought all my man toys up further in this blog I think I wouldn't be happy because they would be with me for my money and because I've forced them and stuff and that would be fun for a bit then I'd be all but you don't love me. Leave! 

-So I still wouldn't have the one thing I've always dreamed of and that is: A soul-mate, a man who understands me and the inner workings of me. I don't know if that's even possible. I don't even understand the inner workings of me so how could someone else?  I certainly don't know if such a man exists, but if I had like all the liposuction and boobs maybe I would be more desirable leading to this dream....Idk....then there is this biological clock issue I want kids but I have no man so...um...yeah. Maybe I would hire that weirdo doctor dude from e-harmony to like find me a mate or else. Cause like I did the 45 minute quiz and had NO FREAKING MATCHES! That's first of all just awful and humiliating and second bad business. I mean in all the world not one person matches me ffs man help a sista out!!!!  Is there photoshop for real life? Just a random question for my e-harmony dates.

-I would pay people to make sure not a flake of snow or ice touches my driveway, but I can't pay them to do that for every road I use. I don't know if I'd leave Nashville and run away like I've wanted to forever in some fantasy world.  Like the movie Burlesque without the singing voice and the rocking bod. Cause like I have neither.  I'd be back in a week unfortunately, hate on it I do a lot, but Nashville is my home, I'm not sure I could live anywhere else. Have a 2nd, 3rd or 4th house somewhere sure, but I would live here mainly.

       After the networks cancelled my truly boring and depressing show about depression I would just hang out all day with my dogs I think. Because my nieces would have gone back to ignoring me and I would no longer be like a star on twitter and instagram so I'm just normal old aunt Julie the spinster. So yeah that would fade.

I wouldn't buy a boat or whatever that country song says. Cause boats take like effort and, no thanks! A yacht, maybe if it were run by the crew of that show about Yachting on like Bravo or something.  I can't think of it. It's call like All Aboard or something? I like water, but like boats take gas and like driving it and like effort and no one rich should ever have to use effort. The point of having money is to never have to work. 

OH MAYBE I WOULD GET ONE OF THOSE LADIE'S MAID PEOPLE LIKE ON DOWNTON ABBEY! Dress me and stuff! Woohoo! But I don't want to talk funny like them. I like American so like American Downton.

I would buy a plane maybe to take me to all these glamorous awards shows that I would have amazing seats and meet all the stars at them and put our pics on instagram cause like I would be the person to be seen with and stuff, because like I could buy them. The seats. I could buy the seats....but if I was that rich the stars too, everyone has a price. I'd be famous for being rich sort of like Paris Hilton and Donald Trump and all the Kardashians, without the stupidity and racism.  I would also pay Donald Trump to drop out of the Presidential race just stay where you belong Donnie! Celebrity Apprentice is good for you and as a President I say. YOU'RE FIRED! 

         I would become best friends with the biggest stars in Hollywood then the drama would start and they would be all busy or needy and no thanks....I'd be all like I'll call you and then just change my number. Then go home and snuggle with whatever hot guy was currently serving his time. I mean with me (hehe) NO DRAMA! and NO PAPARAZZI unless I looked smoking out or something, but that's like never so yeah no! 

       OH but with the plane comes my personal waker-upper and my personal chef and my personal assistant and my personal makeup artist and hair dresser cause like I'm too rich (lazy) to do it myself. You can't just show up at awards shows looking like I look every day that is just not acceptable I don't care how rich you are. Then I would pay someone to like entertain me during the boring parts. And like take me to all the parties and stuff...

      I would still be insecure as hell. No matter what I looked like or who I was friends with or how much money I had,  so meeting all these stars with my social anxiety would be all awkward, and being as blunt as I am.  I might actually tell Taylor Swift what I think of her and then she will like turn Apple against me or like summon Satan to murder me or something and then I would just go back to having no friends, except like Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez sometimes because they are like friends with everyone and I'm not sure that's a good thing.  Then Miley Cyrus would bug me and all that and I would be like dude put your tongue back in your mouth. What's with that I hate it. Grow your hair out and oh btw your boy friend or whatever may be on my list of men to buy for a few weeks so just be prepared and all that. 

But until that happens I will just have to wonder and wait. I might come up with some more stuff later but that's why there are multiple blog posts. So for the 2 people reading this blog because I like FORCED them or else. I hope you like it and stuff. Even if not you better comment below that you do I need the validation.

Love,
JP

I signed it like that  cause it's supposed to be an online diary and stuff but like it sounds stupid to say Dear Blog so yeah um......k.....more random thoughts to come when and what about are to remain a mystery! See, now my blog is all mysterious and tantalizing and you have to follow it cause like if you don't you may miss next year's post about something totally random cause I ramble it's what I do it's what I'm queen of. Long live the rambling queen....Is it weird if I say that about myself? Like Queen Elizabeth doesn't go around saying Long Live the Queen. Hmmm maybe I will buy the right to do that with all my money. 

Adulthood even negatively affects my dog....and how I burnt a hole in my jacket!

Ok so my dog Cotton (who's a girl dammit, get it straight A GIRL) and I disagree on feeding times.

 I think she should be fed in the mornings before I go to work. Cotton however disagrees. She in classic dog style likes to eat when SHE wants to no matter where I place her food. My friend Kristin thought it was cute because apparently it's a common things that doggies like to eat when you're there. The only problem with this logic is I'm THERE in the mornings too. How is that different?

Here's where things start to matter. Well I mean they matter cause I love Cotton like my child. It's rather sick actually.  I want her to eat so that she can live because like I said I love her an unhealthy amount. So, that's important. It's not that she eats that is the issue its when she chooses to do it. 

   I work from 7AM to 3:30 PM almost every single day. No really except two a week like a bonafide adult. Cotton, my precious, is very good about not using the carpet or other floor-like surfaces for a bathroom after much and I mean MUCH patience when she was a puppy trying to potty train her. Finally about a year and a nearly ruined carpet later, it worked. Puppies just can't hold it like dogs can. So, in a perfect world Cotton would gobble down her food in the morning like she used to (still investigating what changed) and then sadly because adulthood blows, 8 hours later I come home and immediately take her out. She goes about 95.4 percent of the time. (percentage estimated) 

So this habit she has of eating at night totally fucks up my world. There are good reasons why. One, I get all paranoid she will starve to death because she didn't eat her food and I will on occasion shut my bedroom door. The stupid thing behind this is that dogs have not yet mastered door knobs and therefore her uneaten food from the morning is behind the door. This I completely understand is all my fault but on the flip side if she'd eat in the morning like I want then I wouldn't have to shut the door when I leave.

I wouldn't shut my bedroom door but the very interesting things that she is amazing at finding when I leave my bedroom door open is kind of embarrassing if anyone else but me were to come over, such as previously worn underwear.  

   K, so little story, The other night it was some ungodly early hour like 1AM or something and Cotton mysteriously decided she couldn't sleep through the night and because she's cute as hell, her way of telling me she needs to potty is by laying her cute little head on my chest in bed and whining.  Well this one day as usual I was searching for shoes and a jacket as it was rather cold outside.  In the TV show West Wing Martin Sheen always throws his jacket backwards over his head and puts it on that way. Where he throws the back of it backwards.  Well this particular night, half asleep, I decide to pull this move for some inexplicable reason and then I smelt a strange smell. It smelled like something burning. Did I mention I have a very low hanging chandelier in my kitchen? Well if you have read this story it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened.  My work jacket to go with my uniform now has a pretty burn hole in the bottom and I was so pissed, but not at Cotton.  It isn't her fault. When you gotta go you gotta go. I was pissed at the fact that I had to get up in like 3 hours and I totally goofed.....so it was my fault and now my OCD has to live with a hole in my damn jacket.  I can't forget it there. I try, but I can't. Poor Cotton couldn't figure out what the hell the hold up was.  Mommy was being dumb Cot.

Getting up at 1 AM and taking my dog out does not for good REM sleep make. Damn you adult job with adult responsibilities. I hate you!  More complaining on that job thingy later. Trust me it's my favorite thing to bitch about and since this is my blog I can! :P

Here is a picture of my baby!

That ladies and gentleman is the apple of my eye by Cot-Bot! (Cotton)

Down the Rabbit Hole

I've always dreamed of being one of these so-called "computer geniuses." (Also, a famous blogger you can have MORE THAN ONE dream, don't judge me.)

The adage "Be careful what you wish for." Is swirling around in my over active mind.

I recently noticed my computer is dragging ass.  Not my internet which, until we get Google Fiber Optics in a few years will just be slow and something we have to accept.

I don't care about the internet being slow, my computer in general is taking forever to do anything.  So I sought out one of these "computer genius" people that happens to be the boyfriend of my BFF. 

HE SCARES ME!  There's only one reason. In the type of OCD I have I tend to get obsessed with a subject and completely study the hell out of it until I know EVERYTHING. Prepare for me to bug the crap out of you, Michael, until I have picked your brain clean of all knowledge....I KID YOU NOT! BEWARE!

Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.  He's introducing me to the world of installing RAM and SSD drives and how to make your computer bad ass without having to buy another one.

I feel myself going down the rabbit hole QUICKLY. It's a bottomless, never ending wealth of knowledge that I will never be able to get over completely. 

I lived under the stupid person fog of the belief Mac is awesome....get a Macbook and they last forever and you never have to worry.  Well I'm learning very quick that this is not the case.

When I was a kid if my toys would break I would completely go postal.  I am a person who always wants the best of everything and I never want it to break.  If it does break I want it fixed INSTANTLY. 

I think I need to recruit Harry fricking Potter to be like computero updato!

For example: a car should start when you turn the key, a computer should boot when you turn it on. If you push buttons on a keyboard that letter should just appear.

Once upon a time in temper tantrum land.  I had a macbook who's keys started falling off and I was all WTF? Keys aren't supposed to just be COMING OFF of computers WTH MAN! I went in and stalked the Mac Store until they gave me a new "E" button.  They weren't so happy with me after that. I think I have secretly been blacklisted from all Mac stores.  I was NOT a happy camper. TO SAY THE VERY LEAST!

When you mess with my toys you better be ready to deal with the fall out. It is not pretty! 

The only thing I take more seriously than my gadgets is my friendships, and anyone who knows me even a little knows how FIERCELY loyal I am and how I will cut a bitch for one of my friends.

So you can imagine how impossibly horrible I am when something I own breaks or is not in "the tip top best condition of anything in the world currently existing" (at least of the world I KNOW of)

My adult "toys" are not the dirty things that you are thinking of....GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! My toys now are electronics.

BIG PROBLEM: Another reason why adulthood blows!
As a kid your parents bought you the toys and in my case if it broke you threw a fit until you got it fixed or got a new one.

Yeah another reason adulthood sucks is you have to spend your own damn money, or if that fails and you find yourself broke like me, explain to my completely computer illiterate parents why I need a new 2,000 dollar computer. That they see as a toy.....A VERY EXPENSIVE, OVER PRICED, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, TOY.

-Did I mention that I just spend like 500 dollars on an IPAD mini? Oh yeah little over a month ago.. I NEEDED MORE TOYS!!!! To the complete annoyance of said parents who couldn't understand why I needed it. Which honestly I really don't

To me my hobbies are my life.  I don't NEED the fastest computer on Earth (I just want it).  I also want to be a famous blogger and that requires a keyboard and an internet connection and a tiny bit of writing talent, which I'm still deciding whether I have. Every time I have to WAIT for anything to load on my computer it used to frustrate me, yes, but now it INFURIATES the hell out of me.  MUST BE FASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COMPUTERO UPDATO....OR WALLETO GROWUS! JOBUS GET BETTERUS! Surely Harry Potter the "boy who lived" can help me out with this. Come on Harry you can kill Voldemort surely you can help me with my computer!

I'm seriously terrified of entering this new world of computer geekdom. Cause it's a bottomless pit of unending improvements and never ending releases of new and better toys.  Pray for me. I need it!

I'm seriously scared!

-gets in fetal position and sucks thumb trying to regain a semblance of my childhood-

BEING AN ADULT SUCKS! The only thing that makes being an adult a teeny bit better is LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY! SO I NEED THAT! NOW! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Here I go quickly down the rabbit hole. I hope Alice is there to help me navigate wonderland....

JP