Friday, February 28, 2014
Damn You Possessed Evil Chair At My Work
Okay, so where I work they have these "rolly" chairs....you know the ones with wheels that you know...roll.
Things about hateful, evil chair:
-all cracked and wheels are so covered in dust and grime they are no longer black.
-legs do not steer it where you would like it to go (see later in post where bang knee OUCH!!!!)
-little lever that "lifts it up" works but only sorta. (look like idiot standing up and adjusting lever)
Here's a little story that has happened more than once: (Daily more like)
Me: Hi (to other person, not chair) How are you? (serious face) What's happening in your life...blah blah...serious talk serious talk....(listening intently)
Person: Response, response..... serious..... serious
Me: Still listening intently chair sinks one notch.... I ignore it keep listening. Chair keeps sinking another notch this time a little sooner than before.
Person: Talking away about something I should be paying attention to but all I can think about is that the damn chair is sinking.
Me: Wonder and obsess over whether I look like a complete idiot as I'm listening intently and slowly sinking to the floor (note: chair has sunk more and I am nearly sitting on floor now)
Person: Is the chair sinking?
Me: Yeah hang on....(get in awkward bendy pose to reach the lifty lever and look like idiot lift chair up again) Continue...you were saying?
Person: Finishes story.....
Me: Chair sinks again and person 2 walks up for a conversation.....Go back to beginning....
IT'S A VICIOUS CIRCLE! CHAIR IS EVIL!
Another reason chair is evil:
Not only making me look like an idiot as I slowly sink from regular sitting position to Japanese floor sitting pose.
The chair likes to taunt me with it's "sides" that on a person would be like shoulders, you know if the chair were a person and like chairs had shoulders).
You think to yourself. Ah Ha! I shall hang my jacket on this chair and it will stay on the back and hold it up with said chair shoulders.
Chair is surprisingly deceptive....after today rolling my knee cap into the edge and having me scream in pain (so loud my co-worker inquires as to my well being) cause I hit my knee on the desk to which the chair is a companion (evil desk story in later post)
Chair pushes jacket secretly off back of chair where arms drag on dirty floor and get dust on black sleeves.
So yeah, other day....pissed off at chair.....get up unwind jacket arms from wheels which have been abusing them and shake jacket to get dust off.....
Okay, you know the little squeezy buttons on the end of like strings on jackets to tighten around your waist or a hood?
So as I shake dust and grime from wheel abuse off jacket, hard plastic squeezy thing hits me in the eye and I worried all day that I would have a black eye from this incident and have to explain to everyone I work with that a tiny plastic button on my jacket hit me in the eye.
Not something cool like I beat someone up like a champ! Nope....defeated by plastic jacket thingie
BUT IT'S ALL BECAUSE THE EVIL CHAIR WON'T HOLD MY JACKET ON IT'S CHAIR SHOULDERS
I want to turn over said chair one day and see if instead of Made in China it says....Made in Depths of Hell or North Korea....maybe it's a secret weapon to annoy all Americans to death? I now have a new conspiracy theory! SWEET! I SO NEED MORE OF THOSE! (conspiracy theories, not evil secret annoying secret weapons)
Okay, so that's my random chair story of the evil chair......