Sunday, June 14, 2009

Counting Down Until E-day

Okay for all of you who don't know what E-day's me going to Europe on Monday!
Here's where I'm going:
London, Duh!
Paris, duh!

Rome, Duh!

So like, I went to shop with my Momma today and she is the bestest she bought me a lotta stuff, she wants me to REPRESENT! overseas.

Dear Dad: wtf?  What is your deal lately? I love you more than anything, but why you being all up in people's kool-aid?  That ain't cool!

On a more depressing note...we ( my mom and I) are praying and keeping our hopeful fingers crossed that this was just a temporary moment or days of wierdness.  

See my 5 followers, my Dad is a gentleman of the older persuasion (dirt calls him old).

He's 72 as of May 22 of last month. duh! He's severely overweight and on the end of a time frame given for quadruple bypass surgery he had like 8 years ago or something like that. Here's the thing, my Mom is worried my Dad is gonna leave us for the angels any day now, she senses with her spidey senses that something is amiss with him.  She's hoping it's a momentary lapse in judgement and not his Diabetes or heart or ankle or you name it he's got it! 

My gene pool is screwed.  Except in the brains department, we got us some big brains in the Perk fam.  

Here are some fun things my children (if I ever find a decent man to have them with not so sure that's ever gonna happen) will inherit through my DNA.  Let's hope their Dad has good genes to balance out my bad ones. Sorta like my sister-in-law has balanced out my brother's bad ones.
we bes smart...well most of us and we bes edumacated

This is the younger of my two quite a bit older bros...this ladies and gents is Scott...Scott, blog, blog, Scott.

Oh yeah and he married a really beautiful and classy woman he is sickeningly and disgustingly in love with and worships after 3 kids and 13 years of marriage....I want that. Not only that she never gained baby weight!  WTF?  I hate her! No I love her very much!
This is just in my genetic code remember.

1.  Hair: I'm 28 years old and my hair is thinning.  I used to have this gorgeous thick (but baby fine) hair and tons of it, but now there isn't quite as much anymore. So, this one is BAD...
Um hi! just want to mention this could have something to do with certain extracurricular activities that are not so good to your body that I participated in A LOT in college...hello Catholic sheltered girl...gone wild...that was then...this is now. any future sons I have buy lots of hats cause
You will be bald...ask my bro S he'll tell you. Any future men in our family you're screwed!
2. Skin: Okay I do have to admit, good skin runs in our family as long as we don't develop Lupus which killed my grandmother before I ever met her.  I am not in the clear yet, but they check for it every time I go to the doctor ya know just in case.

3. Arms: Ever since I was a little kid I have had this kinda wierd rash on my arms.  No dermatologist can figure out what it is.  They say it's hereditary and I might just have to live with it.  Fun!  NOT see here's the thing...I've excepted it other people asking about it has not helped. Just hope that any children I have will get's not bad looking it is just there and I hate it.

4. Stomachs: okay here's where life sucks brothers eat drink and be merry all they want until they pass out, me I eat one cookie and gain weight and where does this weight go? To my booty, so I can be bootylicious like my homegirl Beyonce, Of course not, it goes straight to my abdominal region and seems to build little fat communities and fight tooth and nail to stay there. I have a metabolism about as slow as a snail or turtle or someone standing still.  I work out with my trainer, "the sweat nazi," three days a week for an hour and I work hard....TRUST! 
okay childrens, lets me tell you a little story.  About a wee man named Logan

 Once upon a time there was this guy with wierd sideburns.  He loved Brazilian Ju Jitzu, which I hear is insanely hard to get a belt other than white in unless you train for like 10 years.  Well, Logan here works his tiny little butt off to win all these medal thingies.  He took home the Bronze, losing in the semi-finals to the guy who went on to win the gold.  I was impressed I have to admit *shhh don't tell him*  Thing is Logan, is a very wee lil man.  He has to fight in these tournament thingies in the lowest weight class, so this means practically starving himself to death and practicing this really hard sport 3 times a day with no food.  His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top sometimes.  But he's motivated and he has some amazing willpower.  So he wins medals and stuff then he goes and eats pizza and hot dogs and any fatty food he can get his wee little hands on. He's a good guy and a good friend.  He was even nice when he wasn't eating and let me tell you dear ones, had it been me instead, I would have been known to all of Nashvegas as the crazy bitch! So now Logan is trying to whip me into tip top shape and teaching me a new lifestyle!

So Logan kills me three times a week, it aint no joke...come work out with me I bes proving you wrong! Many have tried none have succeeded for instance the beautiful rachel tried

She kept up but she was sore for 3 straight days!
Nori is naturally thin and she doesn't eat well either! She makes me want to hurt her if I didn't love her so much. She did lighter weights than mine and half the reps and she was exhausted.

None of my supposedly "in shape" BFF's (which they interpret as skinny can keep up with me).

So it's a constant battle and I have to watch every tiny tidbit of food that goes in my mouth. Meanwhile, my brother is munching on Burger King and then even losing weight, but with R, there may be good reason for that.
5. Brains: My Mother is so intelligent it kills me.  She was educated in a one room school house in BFE Tennessee a town that makes Forks, WA look big in comparison. This woman can read a 400 page book in 2 hours flat.  She's the biggest speed reader I've ever seen.

on a happy note my parents have so insanely generously let me keep Logan for over a year now and I've lost 50ish pounds, you wouldn't know it.  But Rome wasn't built in a day so I PERSEVERE! I will wear a bikini and look good in it I'm determined!
Okay not this good..I mean come on it's Halle Berry I just wanna look decent where people don't point and laugh at the big fat lady in her big fat reason I hate the beach, well the sand, but I bes fat and I don't wanna be in a bathing suit...Mountains anyone?

He's ( Dad)  about to drive her (my Mom)  nuts and she's so excited about our trip overseas since she has NEVER left the borders of the US of A.  We are hoping that while we are away and he goes down to visit his older, much calmer, and dependable sister in San Antonio (God, please let him make it okay) it's a long drive, see my dad is proud, he won't admit defeat and an airplane seatbelt would defeat him.  He's a sort of rotund fellow.  So he won't fly ANYWHERE unless it's a dire emergency, he's flown before but he had no other choice.  We are hoping that this is just a freak out cause he needs a break and my bro has decided to take a lot of vacation days lately.  

no matter how seperate or different my life might be from their world, I am reminded on a daily basis that I am the glue that holds our family together.  I was born glue and I will always remain glue.  I would say I was a peacemaker, but I sometimes stir up trouble because that's what lil sisters do

So like, my Dad and my bro own this "family" business that we have kept in the family for the past oh I don't know 72 years.  My grandfather started it the year my Dad was born. I think that was just a coincidence btw.

My bro pretty much runs the business and my Dad is like the "fatcat CEO" (not really if you saw the office you would understand I am soooo joking) that sits in his big chair and barks orders. Well my bro can usually ignore him, but lately he has taken it to a whole new level of Twilight Zoneness! Okay I think that's enough of my family drama for one day...maybe you can all get to live a little bit of my  another's so fun being glue!

Love ya,

1 comment:

  1. lol girl you are serious sillyspice! i'm gonna miss you while you're in europe! i promise i'll work on the man meat blog!